Saturday, 25 March 2006

There But For The Grace of God Go I

There's an 8 MB Realplayer download that might explain much about my situation, available as a zip file.

I left England in 1968, at age 10.
I was so innocent then. I was so lucky I didn't tell anyone.

The practices as depicted were universal in Australia when I was 15. They were still the norm ten years later.

The actor playing the Charing Cross psychiatrist had it exactly right. I experienced a bit of that the day after I went fulltime in July, the aversion therapy too (minus the injections). The psychiatist in question had been in the business (practicing in England) for decades, and his methods were exactly those depicted in the film.

Nietzche was right : what does not kill us makes us stronger. It was touch and go for a while there though, it wasn't being told how disgusting I was, it was being told how I was ruining my little son's life. If I'd have believed him, and he had me more than half convinced for a while, I was ready to go, knew how to do it, how to get the pills. Never before or since have I had even momentary "suicidal ideation". It only lasted for a few minutes, but although I was in no danger of actually doing anything self-destructive, it was a terrifying experience to be seriously contemplating it.

The psychiatrist later apologised, and stated he didn't know to what degree he'd upset me.

How many other women have been killed in this appalling way? I know the therapists are doing their best, but does nothing penetrate that unbelievable arrogance? Have they no conception of how little they know, and how dangerous those games they play are?

Psychiatry is still more an art than a science. Psychiatrists do far more good than harm, and they're getting better all the time. But I have to say, when it comes to Transsexualism, the state of knowledge of many medical practitioners, psychiatrists included, is terribly primitive. It's not anyone's fault, we're learning more all the time, and we've come such a long way. But oh my stars, we have such a long way to go!

Download the movie, view it, and weep. That's the way things truly were, and I'm afraid, still are to some extent.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

what do you expect?
The trick to remember is the assumption is you lie (because your crazy), and therefore they will lie back to you.
Earlier you wrote:

"As the councillor at the Gender Centre in Sydney told me, she'd seen the same syndrome in "Several other transsexual women". It took me a while to get my head around that, and accept my situation. But now I'm revelling in it."

Was it a little white lie to make you feel better, or was there an assumption that you were fakeing your condition to justify your behaviour to other people?