This will be my last post for a while. I've just scrubbed down, used the medical soap, and will be taken into theatre in about an hour.
I'm still irrationally afraid that something will happen to prevent this. It's clear now that this issue has been in the back of my mind since about 1972, and it's never gone away. It just semed so impossible that I dared not acknowledge that, or my life would have been intolerable. Even now, I daren't want this too much, in case there's a delay. Afterwards though, amidst the pain, discomfort and mess of the immediate post-operative period, yes, then maybe I can let myself feel what is inside me now.
See you on the flip side.