Thursday 11 January 2007


I'm not nearly as good a person as I'd like to be. I'm angry at some people on the other side of the planet who I've never met, people who have done me no harm, people who I'm sure are basically thoroughly decent human beings, who have suffered a tragic loss.

I have a friend, a woman who I've never met in person, but who helped me through some tough times with messages of grace and happiness. I helped relay her condition when she was hospitalised for SRS to a support group - we were in contact by phone. She sent me many good wishes and helpful tips when it was my turn for surgery.

Recently, her Father died, after a long illness. It wasn't unexpected, but tragic all the same. She loved her Dad very dearly.

Her Mother let it be known that she was not welcome at the funeral, no matter what clothing she wore. She was a shame to the family.

Now this woman very unobtrusively attended, not in the family row where she belonged, but furtively at the back. Wearing dark glasses to complement her sombre attire.

In the Eulogy, the names of her brothers and sisters were mentioned as her father's offspring: but not hers. Not even her previous name. She had been.... erased.

And that is why right now I'm trying very very hard to live up to my own ideals. To forgive. To excuse them, to tell myself that the people concerned are suffering through terrible grief, they're not in their right minds... except I think they are.

I've seen far too many good, decent people do evil, obscene things to their children and their brothers and sisters. Just because the children, the brothers and sisters were born with this congenital anomaly, and had the courage to get it treated instead of killing themselves.

This Mother is treating her daughter abominably. All people who are transsexual, or were formerly transsexual before treatment, have led thoroughly hellish lives for decades, unless they've been lucky enough to be treated early. They've exhibited great fortitude and courage, they've had to just to stay alive for so long, They should be treated as heroes and heroines, not as pariahs. Given extra consideration, not less.

But they worry "What will the neighbours say?". And so they do these apalling things.

I'll try to take a page out of the book of a very great man, who died a most unpleasant death, yet whose teachings are valued by many on this planet.

"Father Forgive Them, For They Know Not What They Do".

I'm all too human, I'm trying to forgive this family for what they've done to my friend, one of the finer people on the planet. Wish me luck, please.


Breezy said...

That is so heartbreaking. I wish peace for your friend.

Anonymous said...

Hi Zoƫ,

All will be forgiven. Hurry back.



Anonymous said...

If I may venture a guess...the mother is scared, and not only of ``what will the neighbors think.'' Probably she *cannot* wrap her brain around what's going on in this case - the notion that this just happened and was beyond anyone's control is literally unthinkable. It's easier to pretend that this is just some nasty sicko habit that her child has taken up.

BTW does anyone else have elderly relations who won't say the word ``cancer'' out loud? My mother was successfully treated for skin cancer in the late Sixties and she behaved as though it were an STD - forbade us to tell anyone, anywhere and got furious when she thought my sister had told a classmate. She even lied to her doctor about her family's medical history to hide the fact that her father had died of lung cancer.
I mention this because her reaction is rather like that of your friend's mother: what cannot be controlled or even explained should be buried at the bottom of a pit and never, ever spoken of.

Just my two cents' worth...

Shaz said...

Some people can never be educated therefore spend your energies concentrating on your friend and not her family. They may have to continue their journey through life in ignorance & loose out to their convictions x x
My thoughts are with your friend

Anonymous said...

Dear Zoe,

I am so sorry to hear of your friend's poor treatment. At least she has you to lean on for support.


Diana Lynn

Anonymous said...

Would you be referring a certain special girl who lives across the state from me?

I would appreciate knowing this; not one of us is impervious to pain and it does indeed help to have sisters who care.


Zoe Brain said...

No, she's on the other side of the pond from you, in the UK.
But similar scenes are enacted every day, all around the world.

All the best Rhonda, I know your path hasn't been the easiest, Zoe

Anonymous said...

Good luck..
"forgiveness"....makes me cry.

I am more or less at the same situation