Saturday, 19 April 2008

Sometimes you win....

I have been known to send PayPal money to people in extremis. Sometimes it's enough to keep them going, and to overcome a temporary but insuperable hurdle for them. Sometimes it only takes $30, enough for a fortnight.

But sometimes having the money isn't enough, there can be obstacles that can't be overcome. Treatment can be interrupted, and if interrupted for too long, permanent damage can happen. Masculinisation can't be reversed, and time is precious during the 10 years after puberty begins.

Fri, 18 April 2008 : For those of you who knew S.... from Nova Scotia from this site I have some sad news. She committed suicide yesterday. I know that some view suicide as a selfish act. But I ask those who have strong feelings about this to set them aside and reserve judgement.

S.... was wonderful person. I knew her for over 2 years. She was young and vibrant only 22 years old. But recently she became desperate because she was not getting her meds because the place that sends them would not ship them. Her father also was diagnosed with cancer. But that cancer was under control.

So you are probably (want to know) how I know. Well I became good friends with her mother and today she gave me the news. Her family is devastated.

Her yahoo messenger was (redacted)

She was the girl from Canada who had a bright future.

She is loved and I and many others are going to feel this for a long time to come. My heart is broken.


So now I have to pick myself up and try to make sure that this isn't repeated. It will be, of course, but you do what you can.

Compared with the norm, we lose so few. Just having a support group, knowing you're not alone, is often the difference between enduring when there is no hope, and giving up. It's been well over a year since I helped her out with just the few dollars needed. Less than a hundred if I remember correctly. I'm not exactly rolling in filthy lucre myself, but it doesn't take much. The donations to my tip jar, $5 here, $20 there, if targeted correctly to people who need it, are worth millions. I'm not out of pocket much.

Or maybe it was another young girl from Nova Scotia, I'm not sure. I lose track. When giving help, the names aren't important, just the need. S... had support from her family too, so many girls don't. She at least will be buried as the woman she was, no matter what her birth certificate says.

I can't help her any more. But there are others I can, usually just with words at the right time, and I do a good line in absorbent shoulders.

This is the meaning behind a short-short story I wrote nearly two years ago for Prof Norm Geras, my favourite Marxist, and a good friend to me, despite my Right-of-centre politics. I'll quote it below:
DiEthylStilbestrol (by Zoe Brain)

One in five genetic males whose mothers took that drug have Gender Dysphoria.

Simon: pushed under a bus by bullies at age 7. She didn't 'vibe right' as a boy.

James: slit her wrists at 16, after being raped after school. Again.

John, Freddy and George: all kicked out of home for being 'sissy boys', shaming their families.

John: took the wrong one home, and her mutilated body was found in a back alley. She was 19.

Freddy: OD'd on her 20th birthday, just another tranny whore.

George: turned tricks, saved, paid for her treatment at 24, with enough for legal studies too. Georgina, now a successful lawyer, and her partner Sue live two doors from Samantha. Georgina hides her past carefully.

Sam: supported by her parents, transitioned at 21. Samantha's married, with two adopted children. Only her husband and her gynecologist know her medical history.

Neither Georgina nor Samantha know about the other.

William: earned a posthumous decoration at 24, charging a machine gun nest. Ending her pain.

Charles: ate her gun at 25. Her platoon never knew why.

Andy: resigned her commission after being surprised in drag. Drugs, Aversion Therapy and repeated ECT didn't work, so they tried lobotomy. The body died of pneumonia years later, but she was gone at 28.

Harry: A chief design engineer, lost her job, her savings, her family, her home too, when she started transitioning. She's 42, now on the game as she's unemployable. Saving for treatment. There's still hope.
This isn't fiction, this isn't some hypothetical, it's very real.

In a week's time, many schools will have a Day of Silence, to commemorate the silence GLBT people must bear in order to protect themselves from persecution. This year, we especially commemorate the execution-style slaying of Lawrence King, a 15 year old shot twice in the back of the head at his schooldesk for not remaining silent. Naturally, some people are against such a commemoration.

You'd think that the GLBT groups would be baying for the blood of Larry King's killer. Instead, they are calling for the kid who shot him to be tried as the minor he is, and not as an adult.




RadarGrrl said...

I knew Sarah.


Christine said...

I don't think I ever knew her, but I pray she is in a better place now.


Lloyd Flack said...

What caused the trouble getting medications? The Clarke Institute? Or something else?

RadarGrrl said...

The Clarke/CAMH no longer has that kind of power. Withough knowing what really happened, this was quite possibly a failure of the Nova Scotia medical plan and/or the reluctance/unavailability of a medical professional to prescribe. NS is hardly a hotbed of trans abuse, but obviously there's problems.

Anonymous said...

God that is terrible. Pain, pain, pain. Is this all our lives ever are? My heart cries out for her. I want to scream.

Rosalyn said...

This is a sad time for her friends and family.

Sometimes the darkness becomes so deep so endless that there seems to be no way out. No way to get away from the pain and so the person decides to end that feeling of pain.

Selfish? No I think it brave as well as sad. Brave because there is no turning back and no guarantee that it will be better by doing so. Sad because no one should have to feel that way and yet so many do.

I've been on both sides of this issue. I'm glad I'm still here and miss those I have lost immensely. each day.

My guess is she was using an online pharmacy, based on what was written, and they stopped, for whatever reason, sending her her meds.

Anonymous said...

Rosalyn, you are right. It takes enormous courage to suicide. Those who say it is the coward's way out do not know what they are talking about.