Wednesday, 22 November 2006


I haven't blogged in the last few days, because really, tales of bedpans, bowel movements, catheters and the like aren't exactly rivetting reading.

Yesterday was the first day I could move about - with assistance - and see some of the other patients who I'd gotten to know. I also sampled a peculiar Scots Drink, Irn Bru, about which more later.

But walking around with vast quantities of surgical packing in your abdomen, and carrying a bag half full of urine friom the tubing is as unpleasant to describe as it is to experience, not to say undignified.

Today though was the Big Day. The day the catheter was removed - with the prospect of it having to be re-inserted if the urethral plumbing was too swollen. The day about 200 metres of packing was removed from my new improved anatomy. And the day of my first dilation.

I better explain that last part, and there's no particularly delicate way to do it. Until things have settled down,scar tissue stabilised, blood supplies re-connected etc the tendency for a neo-vagina is to close up. Natal women with vaginal dysgenesis or having had reconstruction after radical sugery have the same problem.

That means a um, rather phallic object must be inserted in the neovagina and pushed in as far as it will go until the discomfort is too intense, then held there for several hours every day, at least for the first few months.

Dr Suporn thought he could guarantee a depth of about 15 cm - 6 inches.

Well, at the first attempt - which always over-estimates by 2cm or so due to the swelling - it hit 8 inches. And I think it could have gone a bit further if I was willing to tolerate a bit more discomfort. It will eventually settle down to about 7, though 8 is possible with extra effort and more pain.

Anyway, should I end up being attracted to guys, as everyone seems to think that I will, including my partner, Carmen, it looks like I'll be physically capable of accomodating all but the very largest.

(Is it OK for me to Freak Out now? It is? Good)

But the best thing is that I'm lying back now, dilating, and still able to use my laptop, blog, and do research on my PhD, despite having fully 8 inches of perspex... well, dilating me. So the 4 hours a day I have to spend doing this can still be productive! As well as feeling kinda nice....oh heck, it's obvious I was born for this, my hindbrain set up for a female body in every respect.

And emotionally, intellectually, the whole gestalt adds up to a common-or-garden Geek Girl, just one whose sexuality has been mightily mixed up by having a boy body for so long. Now whether this will change (as everyone seems to think it will, and I'm finding that mildly irritating) or whether I'll remain happily asexual, I don't know.

Whatever, the future is, er, pregnant with possibilities now. And my respect for Dr Suporn's technique is even higher than it was. Yes, it's very invasive compared to all others, longer healing times, more discomfort. But the results are optimal.



Anonymous said...

"carrying a bag half full of urine friom the tubing"

We called it a "piss purse". ;)

Heal fast,

Calamity Jane said...

Welcome to the Sisterhood Zoe. I'm glad everything is going well.

Zoe Brain said...

Thanks Jane - I have to say that things feel as if they're in the right place now.
May your health issues be dealt with quickly too.

I seem to be healing remarkably quickly, BTW. A kitten could still beat me 2 falls out of 3, but that's improving all the time.

Anonymous said...

It seems that all parties are either ignoring or scared to face the problem if illegal immigration
in the United Kingdom. While most of undocumented immigrants are hiding and living in misery, J Reid and
L. Burn are pretending to be in control of the situation. This inertia is will only benefit scrupulous employers

So far we have been listening only to right wing parties and think tanks. That's the reason why I decided to
launch the survey at to hear opinions from normal people. Once we get enough coverage
from the press we will be able to relay the result of the survey to the Home Office

You opinion is much appreciated

Alan Kellogg said...

Eventually as time goes by the scar tissue will be replaced by normal tissue. Should help with sensitivity.

Where partners are concerned, don't be too surprised to find yourself attracted to men as well as the wife. If anything, what with you 'bout midway through your second puberty, you'll likely find yourself a tad randier than you were before.

To think, this all started because you had high cholesteral. :)

The Pathetic Earthling said...

Z -

Glad all is going well as can be.

Zoe Brain said...

I know no drug company can possibly test against all possible mutations.
I know that anyone with an estimated 1 in 3.5 million combination of minor gentic anomalies really is outside any reasonable testing regime.

But it was one HECK of an anomalous reaction to medication, wasn't it Alan K?

Alan Kellogg said...

Oh definitely. :D

Life does have a way of complicating what you thought you understood. As I was waiting for your home page to load it occured to me, what if there are XX males who have fathered children, and XY females who have borne children. What is it that make a person able to produce sperm or ova, and can it be artificially enabled?

I lost total control over my right side thanks to the stroke. Now I'm completely recovered. Thanks in large part to the stroke treatment medication I received in the emergency room. Hell, I was back to full mobility by the time I got upstairs. Sometimes it's great being a mutant.

BTW, partner my ass. Carmen is your wife, and you are her husband. Only the two of you can change that and nobody else. I hope the two of you have a long life together, and your son grows up healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Zoe Brain said...

We're still married, in a way that many married couples aren't. Partners, hopefully for life.

But we're no longer Man and Wife.

It's arguable that we never really were, though I gave it the best shot humanly possible, because, well, I had to.

Yet we remain in love, and inseperable, and co-parents of our little son.

BTW Alan - glad you made a full recovery. More on genetic variation in humans in a forthcoming blogpost. We're an odd species it seems.

Anonymous said...

4 hours or more per day of dilation? Is that right? Could you tell us more about the amount of time required?


Zoe Brain said...

In order to keep maximum depth, yes, 4 hours a day is recommended for the first 3-4 months. After that, work out whatever is needed for your own anatomy.
Often that's 1 hour a day for the first year, then only dilate as needed, maybe twice a week.

OTOH if you'd be satisfied with a mere 6 inches (more than most surgeons will give) then you could try less often.

Really, it depends on individual anatomies, and at this stage I'm playing it safe.