You see, I'm on a number of support sites, and I know all too well how heartbreaking this time of year - and Christmas too - is for some.
It was the late nineties, and Thanksgiving dawned rainy and dismal, the water coming down throughout the day in waves that chilled to the very bone. My "home" was a red 1994 Corvette that I thought I had looked hot in, just six weeks before. I "lived" where it ran out of gas, 2/3 of the way under a freeway overpass in the Los Angeles area. I had no money, no home, no job, no family and no friends. Six weeks earlier I had run out of hormones and couldn't get to the one clinic that would give them to me for free, so I was going through horrendous menopausal symptoms. I hadn't eaten in two days. Everything I owned was wet, and I was chilled to the bone.
In the afternoon, I walked to a pay phone and put in a collect call to my parents, who lived in a house on a golf course that I had bought them. Prior to that, they had lived in a trailer, as did everyone else in my family but me. My mother answered the phone.
"Will you accept a collect call from D____ D_______?"
"Ma'am, will you accept a collect call from D____ D_______?"
More silence, though I could hear people in the background. My family members. Music. Clinking of glasses or dishes. Finally, "No," followed by the line going dead.
Her life got worse - a LOT worse - after that. But it then got better too, as happy an ending as you can ever imagine. Here's an example from just today.
I am feeling really sad today. I am missing out on my girls lives because of me being me. I can't stop loving my ex, and I feel like a horriable person because my eldest os miserable without us all being together.She's still forbidden to have contact with her family.
I feel at lost because my youngest is walking now and i did not get to see her walk. I am missimg so much. Next will be her first word.
So now I thank my whole family for not rejecting me, as so many others have. For continuing to love me as a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and a Zeddie rather than a son, a brother, an uncle and a Daddy. I thanks especially my partner, Carmen, for remaining my best and closest girlfriend, as I'll be hers.
I thank all of my friends from all parts of the world, whether they understand or not, for wishing me well. Just look at the comments on my blog to get a hint of the good wishes, and yes, Love in the Christian and Buddhist "Love thy neighbour" sense that I've received.
Why me? Why not other women in similar situations, some of whom have shown the most amazing courage, endurance, and fortitude? I don't know. TANJ I guess.
But I'll do what I can on support sites to help, because it's at times like these that I realise just how Thankful I should be, and how much I owe to the common weal.
And I've just had a Cherry Truffle Chocolate, made by Charles Layton Chocolates of Traverse City Michigan, and given to me by a friend who's also just had her surgery here.