For all those who phone at 3am, forgetting my time zone...

"When It's Night Time In Italy, It's Wednesday Over Here"



There are many versions of the lyrics. Here's one that corresponds broadly to the recording.

WHEN IT'S NIGHT-TIME IN ITALY IT'S WEDNESDAY OVER HERE

A Rah-Rah-Rah-Rah college boy threw all his books away.
He said, "I've lost my appetite, my hair is turning grey.
I know my Greek and History, and Latin is a "pie",
But if East is East and West is West, then won't you tell me why

When it's night time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.
When it's fish day in Germany,
You can't get shaved in Massachusetts.
How high is up? I'd like to know.
How low is down? And when will we have snow?
If you bump into Gallager you'll find that Shean is near
When it's night-time in Italy it's Wednesday over here."

When it's night time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.
When it's Christmas in Albany,
They're catching fish in Scandanavia.
That's right, you're wrong.
No, no; you're wrong; that's right.
Although the days are long
It's always cool at night.
If you can't play the piccolo
The holidays are near
When it's night time in Italy and Wednesday over here.

This Rah-Rah-Rah-Rah college boy stood up in class and said,
"I looked up my Geography, and found out Ceasar's dead!
The reason I speak Portuguese is I'm some clever guy.
But if "parley vous" means "how are you"
then won't you tell me why

When it's night-time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.
All the onions in Sicily make people cry in California.
You drive a horse. I drive a Ford.
That doesn't prove a sailor is a board.
If you talk to an Eskimo his breath will freeze your ear.
When it's night-time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.

When it's night-time in Italy it's Wednesday over here.
When it's wash day in Piccardy
They're eating ice cream cones in Georgia
Sixteen and four makes thirty one.
Take eight from five and your day's work is done.
There are people who hesitate, but corned-beef makes them cheer
When it's night-time in Italy and Wednesday over here.

When it's night time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here.
When the wind blows in Louisville,
I always dream of Julius Caesar.
Young folks are young, of course
And old folks are old, why not.
Fire is very hot, but ice is sometimes cold.
Try and fondle a porcupine, what makes ice cream so dear?
When it's night time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here.

I saw a Chinaman
Fight a Scandanavian.
Up steped an Englishman, and said, "I'd like to speak.
Why kick this man around?
Why strike him when he's down?
Just hit him with a hammer and then bite him on his cheek!"

Up stepped an Irish cop
Who said, "This fight will have to stop.
I'd like to know what the scrap is all about".
They said, "When we tell you,
It will drive you nutty too."
And so they held the traffic up while they tried to figure out.

When it's night-time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here.
When the snow falls in Araby
They're squeezing grapes in California.
Look at you here. Grass on the dew.
Leather shoes are black, but other shoes are new.
If there's sunshine in Washington, what makes the moonshine dear?
When it's night time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here.

If you lay on a mattress, you'll find that spring is near.
If you haven't an appetite, just think of Paul Revere.
By the time that they pass a bill to bring back wine and beer,
It'll be night-time in Italy and Wednesday over here.

There are many versions. Here's some of the Lyrics sung by Robin Dransfield

When it's nightime in Italy
Its Wednesday over here
Oh the onions in Sicily
Make people cry in California
How does a fly?
When does a bee?
And how does a wasp
Sit down to have its tea?
And if you talk to an Eskimo
His breath will freeze your ear
When it's nightime in Italy
And Wednesday over here

When it's nightime in Italy
And Wednesday over here
When its fish day in Birmingham
Don't ever try to milk a kipper
Dogs have their barks
So do the trees
And Pork pies are beef
And some are Mysteries
And we all paid our income tax
And never shed a tear
When it's nightime in Italy
and Wednesday over here

This learned guerned college boy stood up in class and said
Well I've learned at my geography that Granddads feet are dead
But the reason I speak Portuguese is I'm some clever guy
And if parley voo means how are you .Then cant you tell me ,why oh why

When it's nightime in Italy
Its Wednesday over here
And when its high tide at Waterloo
You can mock soup
But you can't mock turtle
How high is up I'd like to know
And how low is down
And when shall we have snow
And if there sanwidges for everyone
And real hops in our beer
Then it's nightime in Italy
and Wednesday over here

When it's nightime in Italy
And Wednesday over here
And when were all multi-millionaires
We'll have a land that's fit for heroes
They'll be no storms
They'll be no gales
And we'll all wear a smile
Just like the Prince of Wales
And we'll all go on our holidays
And dive off Wigan Pier
When it's nightime in Italy
And Wednesday over here

Or as Granny Ogg said in Witches Abroad: "when it's teatime in Genua it's Tuesday over here..."