Friday, 4 May 2007

Year Two

It is now 2 years since my transition started. The first year is described in Annus Mirabilis, a post I authored 12 months ago.

This one summarises what's happened in my transition since then. It's all a bit of an anti-climax. We now have a working hypothesis for a biological cause, but a definitive answer eludes us, and likely will in future.

Yes, I've had "the op", but that was a necessary minor detail rather than some wonderful spiritual event. I was a woman before, I'm neither more nor less of a woman after. It just feels far more comfortable, no longer being disfigured, if you can understand that. And the accent was definitely on the necessary!

The biggest problems in my life during this period have been my relationship with my partner, figuring out my sexuality and what to do with it when I do figure it out, and the ongoing saga of my Passport. The latter is something of a Magnum Opus, and I'm gathering strength to go to round two.

So here are the relevant Blog entries for year Two. Some are autobiographical diary entries, others articles of interest where I've contextualised them by baring pieces of my soul.

That's it. 2 years of transition from a standing start, blogged. I haven't said everything. For example, I'm having nasty complications from the surgery that requires me to endure full-thickness burns on much of my vulva. Neither have I talked about Carmen's split with Ray, them coming together again, splitting yet again, rejoining yet again, then splitting once more. I haven't said anything because it's not my place to invade their privacy, and I won't say any more on the matter.

I do hope my partner finds a man to marry though, one who's worthy of her. I think, no, I know I've always been a fairly decent human being, but she needs a Man, and that is something I could never be. I gave it my best shot, after all.

Until my painful and messy medical condition is healed, I'm not even able to walk very much, let alone have a social life. My PhD has suffered too. But hopefully in 2-3 months I'll be pain-free and mobile.

It was still worth it even if not. The surgery, I mean. It was a detail, but it was necessary.


Calamity Jane said...

I'm sorry about the complications but I think you're going great guns, Zoe.

mythusmage said...

#!. Keep taking the antibiotic, no matter how well you get. When it runs it is when you stop taking it.

#2. Keep applying the creme, no matter how healthy your vulva starts to look. When it runs out is when you stop applying it.

And don't forget to dilate. No sense in healing your vulva if your vagina closes up.

I have confidence in you.

Zoe Brain said...

Thanks for the encouragement. It is a little disheartening - all the others who had surgery when I did are now 97% healed, though it takes another 6 months for the last few percent.
Many are sexually active, and the rest are thinking about it now it's a possibility for the first time in their lives.
All are now down to less than 1 hour a day dilation, and I've had to increase back to 4, which really eats into my day.
But... it's worth it, a million times over. Odds are on 6 months time things will be fine, and if not well, in 18 months, or 36, or however long it takes. I was waiting 33 years, since age 15, for this. I can wait a little longer! :)

And Jane, you do know you're my inspiration, don't you? Just thought I'd mention it.

riottgrrl said...

It's sad to read of your recovery woes. Take all the time you need, you won't regret it.

I cut rehabilitation after a motorcycle accident, and had to redo what I didn't do. It only gets harder later...

I'm sadder to read of your passport woes. If you would care to divulge something to me, what documents did you have to send the British passport officials? (I'm writing a piece that will be posted about identity management, and I'll credit you if you want. I don't want personal information, just what sort of papers the officials want--and responded to in two weeks.) In the meantime, I wish you luck with the Oz bureaucrats.

I've had good luck filing for myself. If you are interested, I can tell you war stories...

rg (riottgrrl at sissify dot com)